Not Even Surprised: My 5 Minutes With the MTV Movie Awards

Last night, after a stunning episode of Mad Men* that left me with my jaw on the floor, I decided to tune into MTV to catch some of the Movie Awards or whatever they are.

*insignificant “spoiler” photo at the bottom

I kind of half-watched Jennifer Aniston tell me how awesome it was that she got to be evil in Horrible Bosses (a movie that inspires a ridiculous amount of rage in me, but I’ll save that for another day) and win an award for it. Then there were a few awards and a guy from The Hunger Games or something. Eventually, out comes the “best kiss” category.

Oh, Ron and Hermione’s kiss from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 is nominated? No contest.

Skip to 1:08

These are two characters my generation has grown up with. The first movie came out when I was in fourth grade, the last one when I was just finishing up my first year of university. We’ve followed and loved these characters for years, and finally this scene gives the viewers what they’ve been speculating about and hoping for. I repeat, no contest. That is, no contest when you’re polling people over the age of 12, but…

…but then they called out the actors from Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 1 and I shut the TV off and went to sleep.

In other news, Mad Men was amazing and terrifying and devastating all at the same time. Not all was lost on cable that night. 

Yes, that is that creepy kid named Glen Bishop.

The Great Gatsby Trailer

I usually don’t bother with writing about stuff like this, but I just need to vent.

The Great Gatsby, 2012. Complete with Leonardo DiCaprio’s beautiful face.

The music they chose for the trailer is a little odd, but my main issue is all the CGI. Why is there so much?

Were they going for the crazy dreamland look? It’s not Hogwarts, for gods sake.

Is Hollywood incapable of making a good ol’fashioned movie anymore?  Am I completely off here and this is just computer edit of a real building? I have no idea, but it just looks weird.

Even the street scenes look off, everything just seems slightly “mystical.”

Let me know what you think of the trailer. Do you think the movie will do the book justice?

The Best Thing About French TV

I’ve been spending a lot of my downtime passively watching Radio Canada while I’m doing other things (mostly looking at pictures of cute cats and wasting time, but that’s beside the point.)

Sometimes I pay attention and learn something, but lately I seem to be wishfully thinking that if I absorb enough French dialogue I’ll magically find myself bilingual the next time I try and order just coleslaw and wine at St-Hubert.

Occasionally I’ll look up, usually while my computer has decided to rainbow wheel during the loading of an adorable hedgehog video, and find something weird/awesome.

There is a game show called Privé de Sens which is kind of fun to follow. They’ll throw up a word on the screen and one person has to give a good enough one-word hint for his partner to guess what the word is. Simple, but a pretty good tool when you’re trying to learn the language.

And then there is this segment:

What I can only guess to be a giant bag of Saskatchewan cocaine.

Arguably the best thing on TV, the poor contestants dress up in ridiculous costumes and act out even more clues. I still can’t understand enough to know why they need costumes for these clues, but I feel like being kept in the dark makes it much funnier.

My trusty Yahoo Babel Fish translator is telling me that Privé de Sens literally means “deprived of direction.”  (Hm, sounds a little like this blog, am I right?)

My dream of fluency finally has a measurable goal:
Be a contestant on a Radio-Canada game show and win (or I can just understand an entire episode. That will work, too.)

Seriously though, does anyone know what that thing is supposed to be?Anyone?

The Grammys & Twitter: Do I Laugh or Cry?

I’m sure you have seen by now the screenshots of the idiotic remarks on twitter last night. One batch was about girls, children, who tweeted crap like “Chris Brown is so hot I wish he’d beat me!” and other things they’re just too ignorant and immature to understand the offensiveness of. I’m not going to get into that, because that would be one hell of a blog post.

No,  I’m talking about this phenomenon of idiots who are resistant to Google, for whatever reason.
Apparently “just Google it” has turned into “just ask on twitter and wait for someone else to Google it for you.” Anyone who has ever been on Yahoo Answers will attest to this, as your physical urge to punch someone/something rises with every post read. Don’t ever go on Yahoo Answers. Just don’t.

Look at this.

via http://nedhepburn.tumblr.com/

I have nothing left to say. I bet they try and CTRL+F textbooks.

It’s not even a Paul McCartney-specific thing. How many times have you posted something like “Yeah I love this new song by the Sexy Tigercats*” and someone asks “whut r they a band”

*Fake band-name, aka my future girl group I dreamed up as a delusional child. I would advise against Googling that. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

For those of you who think like me, take note of http://lmgtfy.com/ and http://justfuckinggoogleit.com/, the most beautifully useful websites ever.

I will never understand this. Here is my totally lame cartoon that was funnier in my head (my graphic design-studying boyfriend left his adobe-[legitimately]-equipped-laptop at home, and I couldn’t resist). Missing are various Justin Beiber CDs, as I couldn’t put myself through drawing those on this trackpad.

Enjoy.

I can now use Illustrator, be warned.

My English Class Supplement: Ferris Bueller’s New Ad

How much did you groan every time your English teacher would request an analysis of vague symbolism in an old book? I remember a good hour-long rant one of my more eccentric English teachers went on about the snake-clasp belt buckle in Lord of the Flies. Of course, I hated it at the time, but now that I’ve been out of school for a year and out of English class for two, I miss it. I miss weaving my words and creating connections between any two seemingly unattached things or events, and getting an awesome mark for it.

So, hey, why not write about Ferris Bueller?

By now, I’m sure you’ve heard that Matthew Broderick has starred in a Honda commercial as Ferris Bueller. If you haven’t, well, here it is: (and please, get Twitter or something. It’s 2012!)

 

If you haven’t seen Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, I have to question why you’re even here and not crying yourself to sleep or something. Go watch it, you will thank me later.

Let’s see. The original movie has Ferris skip school to spend the day in downtown Chicago with his friends, after taking his friend’s dad’s 1961 Ferrari GT.

This commercial features a friend-less Matthew Broderick jump in his super-cool Honda CR-V and spend the day by himself while avoiding his boss.

Well, we all know that getting old sucks. Really sucks. Are we supposed to believe that this is some awesome sequel to the best movie of Broderick’s youth? Are we supposed to appreciate the throwback, and idolize the actor and his rebelliousness now?

He trades this:

For this:

And these:

For…well…a big stuffed panda bear(?)

Shall we even get into how this is a complete sell-out?

So, kiddies. Don’t grow up. You will lose all your friends, have a mid-life crisis where you think buying a reliable compact Japanese SUV is the coolest thing you could do, and will let corporations pay you money to sell out your old dreams and ideas. You will supplement your misery by occasionally skipping work and desperately trying to re-create the spontaneous adventure of your youth, but all alone.

Or maybe you’ll just have some fun driving your cool new SUV around the city. Whatever.

Life’s too short to overanalyze.

Okay, I guess I’ve lost my touch.  Good thing I’m not going back to school for literary analysis.