Tag Archives: Diary

Late resolutions

I have a big mouth.

I can’t help myself.

I say stupid things that are risky. I enjoy ranting and sometimes people enjoy hearing me. (But really, most of them probably want to punch me in the face. I would, too)

My new resolution: Shut up. Just shut up.

You know how every time you go out drinking you spend the next day re-living all the stupid shit you said as it slowly creeps back into your memory? Oh my god how are people still friends with me?

This is a static state for me now [which may or may not have to do with how often I go out drinking. Shh.]

We need a support group, some sort of Big Mouths Anonymous where we chat about how addicted we are to the attention that delivering a mildly-amusing rant brings. But no, we can’t stop. We keep going. We want to be heard, dammit! I assume we’d all hate each other, because who likes people with big mouths?


I should print this out.

Heres to a new, quiet, spring. And no, I will not complain about the weather or the people who won’t shut the fuck up about the fact that it’s snowing in April. Yes, we know, it happens every year.


“101 Goals” Revisited, 4 Years Later

With the day off work, I decided to “get organized.” This pretty much just meant I deleted all of my old, hard-drive-hogging powerpoints from first year and replied to emails. (The sad part is that this, to me, is considered a remarkably productive day.)

To organize all the paperwork I’ve got sitting around, cluttering up the kitchen table for my university applications, I scouted out an old hanging-file organizer from high school. Left over in this long-forgotten piece of broken dreams were plenty of documents from the first time I was applying to university. To the “shred” pile they went, but only because we haven’t had the fireplace cleaned for this season yet, and I’d rather not burn down the house. There were old assignments and tests, as well as study notes. “Screw you, science!” I yelled as I tossed them into the recycling bin.

Now we were getting to the end, and the last folder held something very interesting. Here, in this otherwise empty, unlabeled yellow folder, sat a list of 101 Goals I wrote for careers class in grade 10. I was 15. Unlike the other…”students” in the class (it was an “open” level class, that’s all I will say), I put a lot of thought into this, and I remember actually being proud of the list when I was finished.

Do I read it? I’m at a point in my life where spending 15 minutes deleting old files on my computer is considered a “productive day” and I really haven’t done much in the last 8 months except waste away at my job. Did I really want to add one more thing to the “why the 15 year old Michelle would hate me now” pile?

Well, I read it.
What the hell else was I going to do? Who wouldn’t read it, really?

I was surprised, in a good way. Some might even say “pleasantly.”
I found that I was a bit of an unrealistic person with sloppy handwriting at 15, but also I made some pretty solid expectations.

Here are some that I wasn’t too sad about reading:

#9 speak French fluently which I’m actively working towards, although it’s pretty damn hard!
#2 go snowboarding Hundreds of dollars, one extremely bruised tail-bone and one almost-fractured and dark purple thumb, I gave it up. But, the initial goal to “go snowboarding” did get done. Did I forget how much I hate the cold?
#5 go to England Okay, I haven’t put in my visa request yet, but that’s just because I’m currently entertaining the possibility of having to go away for school. Have you looked at residence fees? But, whether it be on a school exchange or a work visa, I will get there within the next few years.
#20 go to Warped Tour Done and done. That summer right after I wrote this, even. We got drenched, and my brand new bright-blue H&M tank top bled its colour all over my tan shorts…but I saw my favourite bands anyway so it was cool. And I will go back again, as soon as they get some decent bands on the lineup!
#22 meet Alexisonfire One of the biggest and best screamo bands in the country, Alexisonfire has a special place in my heart. At that same Warped Tour, Black Lungs, one of the member’s side projects, was playing. I found Wade in the crowd listening to the band that was on before Against Me!, waited until the set was over (politeness is a national pastime), and asked him for a picture. After awkwardly asking him “Are you Wade? I love your band!” completely forgetting that he also had a side project, his girlfriend (?) snapped a shot with my camera. Here it is:

I regret all my fashion choices of 2008.

My friends were off waiting in line to meet Mayday Parade, and I was alone and nervous, so I couldn’t tell him how much Alexisonfire’s December 16, 2007 performance at the International Centre was the best thing that had ever happened to me, but still, this was pretty awesome. Goal 1/5 complete!
#70 start a blog I don’t know why it took me so many years, but it’s done!
#78 go to a Leafs game A “special occasion only” thing in Toronto, where ticket prices are insane. My dad won a pair from a raffle to raise money for some boys hockey team. They were in the 400s of the Air Canada Centre, second row from the very top, and still the price on the ticket said $45 each! The Leafs were up against the Islanders, and we kicked their yankee asses.
#91 donate blood In grade 12, the blood drive came to our school. I got to miss my first class that day to help others, and had a pretty good excuse for missing the rest of the day since my boyfriend almost passed out (he’s not too good at heeding instructions and decided not to eat beforehand. Good job.)

On the opposite end, there are some that have me wondering, “what was I thinking?”

#1 run 15k Started again this summer, with a brand new pair of New Balance kicks. I forgot how much I hate that burning feeling in my lungs. I lasted maybe…a week?
#18 learn Cantonese One language at a time, jesus. The only things I know in Cantonese are swear words, grandpa, and the name of that weird sweet tofu soup at dim sum (doh foo fah?)
#27 own the Mod Club Why would I ever want to own a bar/concert venue? That sounds like a lot of late nights, and in a town like this, a lot of lost income if I don’t play my cards perfectly right.
#29 work a Lululemon for a while Only for “a while?” I see. I was already aware of the horrors of any sort of customer service related job, and I have no clue why I thought selling overpriced sweatpants to spoiled teenagers would be any different.
#53 get a part-time job that doesn’t suck Sorry again, 15 year old Michelle
#93 take a dance class If it’s not a class called “how to not look like an awkward moron at a club,” then I’m going no where near it.

All in all, I was not as disappointed as I thought I would be. The goals about obtaining a scholarship kind of stung, as well as the fitness ones (really, 50 push-ups in a row?) because I know I have been slacking. And I think the CBGB has been shut down now, so that one’s not going to fly. But for the most part? It made me feel a lot better about where I’m at now, and now I have a hanging file system to organize getting my life back on track.

What a productive day off.