Tag Archives: Rant

Late resolutions

I have a big mouth.

I can’t help myself.

I say stupid things that are risky. I enjoy ranting and sometimes people enjoy hearing me. (But really, most of them probably want to punch me in the face. I would, too)

My new resolution: Shut up. Just shut up.

You know how every time you go out drinking you spend the next day re-living all the stupid shit you said as it slowly creeps back into your memory? Oh my god how are people still friends with me?

This is a static state for me now [which may or may not have to do with how often I go out drinking. Shh.]

We need a support group, some sort of Big Mouths Anonymous where we chat about how addicted we are to the attention that delivering a mildly-amusing rant brings. But no, we can’t stop. We keep going. We want to be heard, dammit! I assume we’d all hate each other, because who likes people with big mouths?


I should print this out.

Heres to a new, quiet, spring. And no, I will not complain about the weather or the people who won’t shut the fuck up about the fact that it’s snowing in April. Yes, we know, it happens every year.


The Great Gatsby Trailer

I usually don’t bother with writing about stuff like this, but I just need to vent.

The Great Gatsby, 2012. Complete with Leonardo DiCaprio’s beautiful face.

The music they chose for the trailer is a little odd, but my main issue is all the CGI. Why is there so much?

Were they going for the crazy dreamland look? It’s not Hogwarts, for gods sake.

Is Hollywood incapable of making a good ol’fashioned movie anymore?  Am I completely off here and this is just computer edit of a real building? I have no idea, but it just looks weird.

Even the street scenes look off, everything just seems slightly “mystical.”

Let me know what you think of the trailer. Do you think the movie will do the book justice?

Most of my problems in life revolve around shoes

At the ripe old age of 20 (that counts as a 20-something right? shh!), I have realized that the amount of shoes I need to cover every situation in my life is infinite. I should probably not attempt to have all possibilities covered,  because it will never happen. Living in Canada and having to deal with snow, ice, and the dreaded road salt almost doubles the amount of shoes I need. (Seriously, do you know how much road salt this goddamn city uses? You can walk down the street on a dry, snow-less day and still come home with your shoes covered in stains. It’s magical.)

Over the past few months, I have needed shoes for everything from gardening to going to “the club”. I’ve needed job interview shoes, walking the dog shoes, winter job interview shoes, winter boots, spring sandals, fancy flats and casual flats.

My biggest issue is WHAT SHOES DO I WEAR WHEN? Maybe I’m a little “slow” when it comes to this, but I’m lost. All of these situations require a specific style of shoes. I can’t imagine a hiring manager’s face if one were to walk in with these on (and these happen to be some of the easiest to find or buy shoes EVER. Why? Why these?) :

Will someone please tell me where I’m supposed to wear these, other than accompanied with a black spandex 20cm long skirt at a club?

Apparently I’m also cursed, because every single time I go to the mall looking for something specific (jeans, a new school bag, low-heeled black pumps), I wind up finding 10 beautiful sundresses I resist buying because I’m off track.

I won’t find anything I need that week, of course. The next week I’ll go back looking for sundresses, instead I’ll find 10 pairs of perfect black pumps but no sundresses.  Pure evil.

Also, lets not forget the fact that I am “blessed” with wide size 10 feet, that sometimes spill over to the size 11 rack (I’m 5’10”, okay?).  Some places don’t even carry size 11s.

The worst part is when, in January, I’m being marketed shoes that look like this:

Oh, for fucks sake.

I can imagine some idiot shoe designer, sitting in his LA office, thinking “oh, we’ll give those women in cold climates some boots for the winter! Open-toed to cool down the feet, of course, and suede because suede really holds up to salt and snow.” You suck at your job and should be fired.

I suppose they’re okay for the fall, but the whole idea that I’m supposed to wear these with no socks (for the open toes) makes me cringe because they’ve got no ventilation.

I even went to the big warehouse sale, the Petite Feet Shoe Sale, in Markham the other day. I was looking for some multi-purpose black, low-heeled pumps, and I came home with these:

But they turned out to only be $40 so it’s totally okay I have no idea where I’m going to wear them, right?

I mean, should I just say “screw it,” only buy heels for now on, and be that crazy lady on every reality show who wears heels everywhere no matter what?

I guess I need to cut those “CROCS EVERYWHERE THEY’RE AWESOME SO COMFY!” people some slack, eh? Haha, no.

Sidenote: if you have size 6 feet and live in the GTA, check out the Petite Feet Sale at the Markham Fairgrounds this weekend. Seriously. Half the warehouse is dedicated to you lucky bitches.

Do Not Call Me!

I had alluded to this in my previous post. My home phone number is on the Do Not Call list. It’s worked out pretty well, except for this one company of bastards. If you Google “air duct cleaning telemarkers,” you’ll find messages from other people, mostly from Ontario. These people are awful. They have thick accents, call daily, and hang up on you when you mention the Do Not Call list. I’ve read posts from people who have had the telemarketers end a call with “thanks babe, love you.” What the fuck?

Actually, if you want to know how frustrated these callers are making us, just read through the comments here.

I don’t even know why I am making this into a mini war. I just really don’t like it when people think they can do whatever they want, especially when it comes down to customer service, if you can even call it that.

My previous attempts to get them to stop have been simple.

“Actually we’re on the Do Not Call–” and he’d hang up.
“Could you please tell me the procedure you have when you find out someone is on the DNC list?” silence and a *click*

I have Googled all the different numbers that have shown up on the caller ID. They’re all dead. Fakes. Contacted some “Rogers Helps” accounts on Twitter, since I figured the phone company would at least be able to prevent people calling out from fake numbers. They were no help.

Today I tried to get a little more info:
(This was originally supposed to be some sort of diary-like post, so ignore the awkward tense change here)

April 26th, 12:30pm

Sounded like the same guy with the most unintelligible accent. I asked him to clarify the name of the company before he started with his 5-minute long speech in some sort of weird pseudo-English. “Air duct cleaning,” I’m told again. I asked him where it’s located. “Anywhere in the Scarborough area we come to you.” That’s not what I asked. I asked him for an address, he mentioned something about Scarborough again. I then asked for a phone number where I can contact the company directly, since I “needed to go.” He refused to tell me anything, we bantered back and forth for a few minutes to the likes of:

“Tell me how many bedrooms the house has and I’ll tell you that”
“Are you listening to me? Answer my question.”
“How many bedrooms?”
“What is the address of the company? I just want to make sure it’s the one I’m thinking of.”
“How many bedrooms do you have?”
“Answer my question.”

etc. etc.

I eventually was sick of hearing his stupid voice and hung up.

Who hires these imbeciles?

Oh but wait! All my Googling led me to a phone number. 416-900-2930. I typed it into the yellowpages.ca, making sure it wasn’t a fake number or a number stolen from some innocent civilian.

It came up with some awful skeleton site for “air duct cleaning.” I called it.
A meek, quiet, male’s voice answered. I asked him 4 times if this was the Air Duct company. He finally said it was, and I asked him if they’d called me many times over the past few weeks. He didn’t answer and sounded confused by my question. So I asked him in simpler terms, “Do you use telemarketers?”

“Yes,” he replied, after trying to play dumb and avoid the question.

I went off. I told him to never call again, that we were on the Do Not Call list. He provided some weak excuse about their computer systems (which I had read about on the message boards and was expecting), I cut him off and told him it didn’t matter, because the DNCL is there for a reason and they need to figure it out.

He told me he was “taking my number off the list.” Ha. Ok, sure.

Just for extra measure I reminded him that I now had his phone number, and I threatened to harass the number daily if the calls didn’t stop. (Okay, maybe I actually said I’d “harass the crap out of this number.” Pure class.)

And I will. Oh, boy. I will.

Some other great suggestions I found included: sending them to a made-up address in the middle of no where and keeping an air horn or whistle by the phone to use when they call.

“Fuck youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!”

Does anyone else have any other suggestions? Call the number above if you’ve been bugged by these people. Just do it. If you’re feeling like being a little mean, just go ahead. These people have no right to harass us daily.

I’ve reported them to the DNCL complaints thing multiple times. I doubt they do anything with that, to be honest.

Disclaimer: 99.99% of the time, I am courteous. Any other telemarketer gets a quick “sorry we’re actually on the DNCL!” and he or she usually apologizes and hangs up. Simple. They’re just doing a job, and they most likely don’t enjoy it. These guys, however, have been so awful to so many people they deserve everything they get. It’s clearly some sort of scam. Any reputable company would happily provide you with the address, phone number,  or *actual* company name (Air Duct Cleaning? Seriously?) as soon as you wanted to know.

It’s now been over a week, and I haven’t gotten any calls back. Well, maybe I’ll have some fun with them if they try it again…

The Grammys & Twitter: Do I Laugh or Cry?

I’m sure you have seen by now the screenshots of the idiotic remarks on twitter last night. One batch was about girls, children, who tweeted crap like “Chris Brown is so hot I wish he’d beat me!” and other things they’re just too ignorant and immature to understand the offensiveness of. I’m not going to get into that, because that would be one hell of a blog post.

No,  I’m talking about this phenomenon of idiots who are resistant to Google, for whatever reason.
Apparently “just Google it” has turned into “just ask on twitter and wait for someone else to Google it for you.” Anyone who has ever been on Yahoo Answers will attest to this, as your physical urge to punch someone/something rises with every post read. Don’t ever go on Yahoo Answers. Just don’t.

Look at this.

I have nothing left to say. I bet they try and CTRL+F textbooks.

It’s not even a Paul McCartney-specific thing. How many times have you posted something like “Yeah I love this new song by the Sexy Tigercats*” and someone asks “whut r they a band”

*Fake band-name, aka my future girl group I dreamed up as a delusional child. I would advise against Googling that. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

For those of you who think like me, take note of http://lmgtfy.com/ and http://justfuckinggoogleit.com/, the most beautifully useful websites ever.

I will never understand this. Here is my totally lame cartoon that was funnier in my head (my graphic design-studying boyfriend left his adobe-[legitimately]-equipped-laptop at home, and I couldn’t resist). Missing are various Justin Beiber CDs, as I couldn’t put myself through drawing those on this trackpad.


I can now use Illustrator, be warned.

A Halloween Rant

Like a lot of kids, Halloween was my favourite. Who doesn’t love getting dressed up as whatever you want for free candy?

I grew up in an old, working class neighbourhood where the majority of people were older. Every year there would be some great Halloween displays. There was the guy a street over who would cover his driveway in corn stalks to create a sort of maze to get to the front door. He also brought out the ol’ smoke machine, and had clothes stuffed with straw (terrifying when you’re eight years old) hanging in the trees.

The old man a block down in the small blue house on the corner always had the best things to give away. It was a well-known fact that his house was the first one you hit each year to avoid disappointment when he inevitably ran out of treats. He gave away picture books and small stuffed animals, as well as the traditional candy.

The rare house that decided not to give out handy knew the risk, and I’m assuming they regretted their choice the next morning. Good.

And then, I moved into a newer neighbourhood full of creepy recluse-types who worked all the time. The house across the street, I swear up and down, was a drug den or halfway house or group home or something. Only in our town would the “upper middle class” area be more sketchy than the working class parts of town. At least you knew the drug dealers’ names and they were friendly. All the fancily-dressed parents seemed suspicious of each other. Too much Dateline, I presume.

Not many people “did” Halloween. Few decorations, no effort.

What is the problem? You can’t buy a jumbo box of mini chocolates for $10 and spend an evening sitting by the door? You can’t even dress your children up before you shove them up the walkway with their No Frills bag to demand candy? You, annoying teenager, think I’m going to give you the non-stale candy when you walk up in your street clothes and hold your back-pack open?

You’re all missing the point, you greedy, selfish, soul-less people.

Halloween is for fun. It is for scaring the crap out of small children in good humour. It is for dressing up and earning your candy.

For all of you who have been a guilty party in the paragraph above, I have one thing to say.

Stop ruining Halloween, and go back to your sad, loveless lives. 

To the rest of you lovely folks, enjoy it. Have a great October 31st!