Tag Archives: Movies

Not Even Surprised: My 5 Minutes With the MTV Movie Awards

Last night, after a stunning episode of Mad Men* that left me with my jaw on the floor, I decided to tune into MTV to catch some of the Movie Awards or whatever they are.

*insignificant “spoiler” photo at the bottom

I kind of half-watched Jennifer Aniston tell me how awesome it was that she got to be evil in Horrible Bosses (a movie that inspires a ridiculous amount of rage in me, but I’ll save that for another day) and win an award for it. Then there were a few awards and a guy from The Hunger Games or something. Eventually, out comes the “best kiss” category.

Oh, Ron and Hermione’s kiss from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 is nominated? No contest.

Skip to 1:08

These are two characters my generation has grown up with. The first movie came out when I was in fourth grade, the last one when I was just finishing up my first year of university. We’ve followed and loved these characters for years, and finally this scene gives the viewers what they’ve been speculating about and hoping for. I repeat, no contest. That is, no contest when you’re polling people over the age of 12, but…

…but then they called out the actors from Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 1 and I shut the TV off and went to sleep.

In other news, Mad Men was amazing and terrifying and devastating all at the same time. Not all was lost on cable that night. 

Yes, that is that creepy kid named Glen Bishop.

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The Great Gatsby Trailer

I usually don’t bother with writing about stuff like this, but I just need to vent.

The Great Gatsby, 2012. Complete with Leonardo DiCaprio’s beautiful face.

The music they chose for the trailer is a little odd, but my main issue is all the CGI. Why is there so much?

Were they going for the crazy dreamland look? It’s not Hogwarts, for gods sake.

Is Hollywood incapable of making a good ol’fashioned movie anymore?  Am I completely off here and this is just computer edit of a real building? I have no idea, but it just looks weird.

Even the street scenes look off, everything just seems slightly “mystical.”

Let me know what you think of the trailer. Do you think the movie will do the book justice?

My English Class Supplement: Ferris Bueller’s New Ad

How much did you groan every time your English teacher would request an analysis of vague symbolism in an old book? I remember a good hour-long rant one of my more eccentric English teachers went on about the snake-clasp belt buckle in Lord of the Flies. Of course, I hated it at the time, but now that I’ve been out of school for a year and out of English class for two, I miss it. I miss weaving my words and creating connections between any two seemingly unattached things or events, and getting an awesome mark for it.

So, hey, why not write about Ferris Bueller?

By now, I’m sure you’ve heard that Matthew Broderick has starred in a Honda commercial as Ferris Bueller. If you haven’t, well, here it is: (and please, get Twitter or something. It’s 2012!)

 

If you haven’t seen Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, I have to question why you’re even here and not crying yourself to sleep or something. Go watch it, you will thank me later.

Let’s see. The original movie has Ferris skip school to spend the day in downtown Chicago with his friends, after taking his friend’s dad’s 1961 Ferrari GT.

This commercial features a friend-less Matthew Broderick jump in his super-cool Honda CR-V and spend the day by himself while avoiding his boss.

Well, we all know that getting old sucks. Really sucks. Are we supposed to believe that this is some awesome sequel to the best movie of Broderick’s youth? Are we supposed to appreciate the throwback, and idolize the actor and his rebelliousness now?

He trades this:

For this:

And these:

For…well…a big stuffed panda bear(?)

Shall we even get into how this is a complete sell-out?

So, kiddies. Don’t grow up. You will lose all your friends, have a mid-life crisis where you think buying a reliable compact Japanese SUV is the coolest thing you could do, and will let corporations pay you money to sell out your old dreams and ideas. You will supplement your misery by occasionally skipping work and desperately trying to re-create the spontaneous adventure of your youth, but all alone.

Or maybe you’ll just have some fun driving your cool new SUV around the city. Whatever.

Life’s too short to overanalyze.

Okay, I guess I’ve lost my touch.  Good thing I’m not going back to school for literary analysis.

Matilda: Remember This?

I caught the old adaptation of Roald Dahl’s Matilda on TV the other night.
Do you remember it?

Photoshop in 1996 just wasn't the same.

Yep, this was the movie.

If you aren’t familiar with the book or movie, Matilda’s a young girl with horrible, straight-from-the-middle-class-trailer-park parents. They hate books and spend most of their time eating TV dinners and watching Wrestlemania.

When she gets to elementary school, there is this principal who is even more horrible than her parents, “The Trunchbull”

Perfect name, I always thought.

Basically, Matilda somehow (It’s been a while since I’ve seen it) learns she can move shit just by looking at it. So she fucks shit up for both her parents and the Trunchbull (in family-friendly ways) and eventually Ms. Honey, the sweet teacher, adopts her, which her parents are totally cool with.

Aw, just look at them.

Oh, shit, I didn’t mention the chokey, did I?

Suddenly, our elementary school principals didn't seem so bad.

This was the thing kids would get thrown in, for hours on end, if they misbehaved. Nineteen ninety six was apparently a dark year for the public school systems.

I watched this movie every single day as a kid, and spent the rest of my time trying to move things with my eyes.
Ah, childhood.

I wish I was still at that age where the movie seemed perfectly logical. Dammit.