Tag Archives: Youth

Sometimes My Own Generation Confuses Me

According to Wikipedia (I only use the best resources for my blog), we are Generation Y. This roughly includes people born in the ’80s and early ’90s, if my loyal online encyclopedia is being truthful.

I realize I’m not a revolutionary by pointing out that sometimes people my age are ridiculous, but hey, it’s 2012 and all the original ideas have been used.

Some things I just don’t understand:

1. Wearing sweatpants or *gasp* pajamas outside. To go see people. Or go out to eat. Yes, I own sweatpants and even pajamas, but they for the house, to get the mail, or to walk the dog.

I wore sweatpants to school ONE DAY in grade 5. I remember it vividly. They were light heather grey with a light blue stripe running up the side. I was feeling uncomfortable all morning, and then our very well-dressed French VP came in to visit the class. Seeing her in all her Holt Renfew glory made me feel like a bum, so I went home and put on jeans at lunch. I never wore them again. Even on pajama days in elementary school, I was too uncomfortable to leave the house wearing PJ pants. Maybe that’s just a deep-rooted mental issue with me, but people, put on some goddamn normal pants!

Glamorous

2. Dubstep. Okay, this is obvious. Mostly, I don’t get the obsession with Skrillex. What is cool about this guy, who used to be part of a screamo band? You can’t even sing along, what is this nonsense? I could do an entire post on music. I’ll save that for later.

3. Modern video games*  I kind of gave up on buying new systems after the GameCube, and even that I picked up with my Christmas money a year later for a used price of $80. From what I’ve observed from my boyfriend’s PS3, these new games are like mini-movies and have absolutely no multiplayer (or if there is one it is the lamest thing ever) so you’re forced to only befriend people who have their own PS3s and the game itself. And can we implement a mandatory “skip” button for the cut scenes? I JUST WANT TO PLAY THE GAME. I would express my love for my N64 but I don’t want to come off as a douchebag hipster. (Super Mario 64 was the best game of all time, just saying.)
*Portal 2 was actually pretty okay.

This could be 100 different PS3 games.

4. The beautiful orange skin/bleached hair combination. This isn’t unique to me, most people I talk to also don’t understand. That doesn’t stop it from happening, though. Do these girls enjoy looking like fake, plastic barbie dolls? Or was a genuine accident with a drunken hair stylist or a fall into a vat of tanning lotion?

5. iPods 24/7. Yes, I have an iPod, and now an iPhone. I brought it to high school a few times, but the cords tangling were more hassle than they were worth. I don’t care if you listen to your iPod, but it’s the people who act like they cannot live without it I don’t understand. It’s the kids with the earbuds in (whether music is playing or not, it’s still rude) who are trying to answer the clearly annoyed cashier’s questions. It’s the kids who freak out and argue for half an hour with the teacher about why they should be allowed their iPod in class. It’s the oblivious people who have their shitty music on so loud on the subway at 7am that you can hear it through their earbuds when you’re standing 20 feet away.
Hey guys, you will not melt like the wicked witch of the west if you take your earbuds out for an hour. Trust me, you’ll be okay. And the dubstep will still be there when you get back.

Also you probably don't want to get killed because you didn't hear that tractor trailer.

I’m not a complete recluse from people my age. I do go on the Facebook, I Twitter, and I make the blogs.* I can whip up a fine batch of jello shots and waste a whole afternoon looking at university memes on Facebook. I’ve also seen Harry Potter, so don’t come to remove my Generation-Y membership card just yet!

*Completely intended.

This is satire. I repeat, this is satire. Do not be offended. 

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How to Drink Like a 19 Year Old

I spent Saturday night at a pub in the entertainment district, enjoying a few drinks with people I barely knew (birthday parties are fun like that). It’s interesting to see what people choose to drink, and super fun when you realize their personalities reflect their drink entirely.

The world of booze and booze culture is a crazy one, and I’m here to help you navigate through it.

Perhaps you’re an underage high schooler or live in a country with an unfortunately illogical drinking age. In that case, I ask you to bypass this post for legal reasons. Here are some other websites that can keep you busy until then. “Exploring like a badass,”* “Raising animals and making coin like a badass,” and “Nyanning like a badass” are all here to serve you until you reach that beautiful, glorious legal age of yours.

*Sorry, you are all mature almost-adults. 

Now, when one makes the transition into that realm of being legal and all your friends being legal, things change. No longer can a male drink pink Vex out of the bottle with no shame, just because “it’s all I could find in my sister’s stash!” We all know your secrets now. If the football beefcake shows up to the party with a case of pink lemonade Vex and doesn’t even try to disguise it with a handy red Solo cup, it’s going to be both hilarious and…well…hilarious.

Your drink choices, at this point, change from whatever you could pilfer from your parent’s liquor cabinet to something that says something about you.

If Mad Men has taught me anything, it is that having a drink unique to you in your group of friends is important. And that structured undergarments look like a such hassle.

Drinks AND underwear? Nonsense.

Let’s start with beer. That’s how everyone starts, the night, isn’t it? Beer is acceptable to drink at an afternoon barbecue with your grandma (unless your grandma is the Queen, then I’d recommend gin.)

There are two sub-categories here, the “Coors Light” guy and the “Steam Whistle” guy. (Steam Whistle is a micro-brewery in Toronto that has a pretty respectable following).
The Coors Light man is a man who favours popped collars and pick up trucks. A simple fellow who doesn’t understand why the ladies don’t respond to him the way they should. (Hint: it’s the beer in your hand)
The Steam Whistle guy who has good taste in beer. This, to a savvy lady, signifies good taste in other very important categories, including clothing, careers, and personal hygiene. Excellent choice.
For women? Same rules apply, except Coors Light girls are a little less frowned upon, and mostly just pitied.

A true winner

*photo from BlogTO. Click the picture! It’s a pretty badass blog.

Wine. Again, classy and acceptable for non-college-buddy situations. Order it at a bar with your buddies, though? Or bring it to a grad party? Alright, kid, alright. (Ironically, these people are always the ones to somehow get trashed and sloppy by the end of the night. Not so classy now, are we?)

I can't be the only one who first read the "1.0 L" as "LOL"

Hard liquors. 

Whiskey is okay. Respectable, even.

Vodka is the classic. Pretty standard.

Tequila is always a useful tool if you find yourself stuck with a bunch of quiet awkward kids.

Any of these mixed with something fruity or Coke (Coca-Cola!) is a safe bet.

Last, but not least, coolers are for the faint of heart, the occasional drinkers. And the women. Oh, the women.

The name of the game, at this age, is to consume as much as possible (or as little as possible, if you’re on a student’s budget at a bar) and get silly. This is where the drinking games come from. Nothing is more fun than forcing your friends to get sloppy drunk and condemning them to spending the night with the beautiful, smooth, porcelain-faced toilet.

Some popular drinking games include:

Beer pong: Something involving ping pong balls and more red Solo cups that for some reason has only been brought out at parties after I’ve already drank too much to care. It’s almost like they don’t want me to play or something.

Flip cup: Same as above, but no ping pong balls. Something about trying to flip a cup over and chugging your drink before the other team. (They’re all about chugging your drinks.)

King’s cup: A game that needs playing cards turned face-down on a table. Every time one is flipped over, you do whatever the card corresponds with. The rules change every time you and your friends try and drunkenly remember what rhymes with “three.” “Three…tree? What the fuck was three for? Three me? Is that me or you who drinks? No, me me, not you me!” There’s also a cup in the middle where everyone winds up pouring their drinks upon drawing a King, and some poor sap has to drink it at the end. (Protip: Friends drinking Bailey’s are not allowed in this game. Somehow Baileys + Vex = a solid substance.)

He looks quite uncomfortable.

Then there’s also the classic “watching something and drinking every time a code word is said.” Works well with Harry Potter and, well, “Harry Potter” (watch out for Dobby), Rob Ford and “gravy train,” and Jersey Shore and “smush.” (Ew, I’m sorry, I know)

I think that concludes all of the wisdom I’ve gained in my first year of being legal.

Note: This is satire. Please do not be offending if you actually are a 20 year old classy wine drinker or a macho Vex drinking man.

And, I really don’t drink that much. Promise.