At the ripe old age of 20 (that counts as a 20-something right? shh!), I have realized that the amount of shoes I need to cover every situation in my life is infinite. I should probably not attempt to have all possibilities covered, because it will never happen. Living in Canada and having to deal with snow, ice, and the dreaded road salt almost doubles the amount of shoes I need. (Seriously, do you know how much road salt this goddamn city uses? You can walk down the street on a dry, snow-less day and still come home with your shoes covered in stains. It’s magical.)
Over the past few months, I have needed shoes for everything from gardening to going to “the club”. I’ve needed job interview shoes, walking the dog shoes, winter job interview shoes, winter boots, spring sandals, fancy flats and casual flats.
My biggest issue is WHAT SHOES DO I WEAR WHEN? Maybe I’m a little “slow” when it comes to this, but I’m lost. All of these situations require a specific style of shoes. I can’t imagine a hiring manager’s face if one were to walk in with these on (and these happen to be some of the easiest to find or buy shoes EVER. Why? Why these?) :
Will someone please tell me where I’m supposed to wear these, other than accompanied with a black spandex 20cm long skirt at a club?
Apparently I’m also cursed, because every single time I go to the mall looking for something specific (jeans, a new school bag, low-heeled black pumps), I wind up finding 10 beautiful sundresses I resist buying because I’m off track.
I won’t find anything I need that week, of course. The next week I’ll go back looking for sundresses, instead I’ll find 10 pairs of perfect black pumps but no sundresses. Pure evil.
Also, lets not forget the fact that I am “blessed” with wide size 10 feet, that sometimes spill over to the size 11 rack (I’m 5’10”, okay?). Some places don’t even carry size 11s.
The worst part is when, in January, I’m being marketed shoes that look like this:
Oh, for fucks sake.
I can imagine some idiot shoe designer, sitting in his LA office, thinking “oh, we’ll give those women in cold climates some boots for the winter! Open-toed to cool down the feet, of course, and suede because suede really holds up to salt and snow.” You suck at your job and should be fired.
I suppose they’re okay for the fall, but the whole idea that I’m supposed to wear these with no socks (for the open toes) makes me cringe because they’ve got no ventilation.
I even went to the big warehouse sale, the Petite Feet Shoe Sale, in Markham the other day. I was looking for some multi-purpose black, low-heeled pumps, and I came home with these:
But they turned out to only be $40 so it’s totally okay I have no idea where I’m going to wear them, right?
I mean, should I just say “screw it,” only buy heels for now on, and be that crazy lady on every reality show who wears heels everywhere no matter what?
I guess I need to cut those “CROCS EVERYWHERE THEY’RE AWESOME SO COMFY!” people some slack, eh? Haha, no.
Sidenote: if you have size 6 feet and live in the GTA, check out the Petite Feet Sale at the Markham Fairgrounds this weekend. Seriously. Half the warehouse is dedicated to you lucky bitches.