Do Not Call Me!

I had alluded to this in my previous post. My home phone number is on the Do Not Call list. It’s worked out pretty well, except for this one company of bastards. If you Google “air duct cleaning telemarkers,” you’ll find messages from other people, mostly from Ontario. These people are awful. They have thick accents, call daily, and hang up on you when you mention the Do Not Call list. I’ve read posts from people who have had the telemarketers end a call with “thanks babe, love you.” What the fuck?

Actually, if you want to know how frustrated these callers are making us, just read through the comments here.

I don’t even know why I am making this into a mini war. I just really don’t like it when people think they can do whatever they want, especially when it comes down to customer service, if you can even call it that.

My previous attempts to get them to stop have been simple.

“Actually we’re on the Do Not Call–” and he’d hang up.
“Could you please tell me the procedure you have when you find out someone is on the DNC list?” silence and a *click*

I have Googled all the different numbers that have shown up on the caller ID. They’re all dead. Fakes. Contacted some “Rogers Helps” accounts on Twitter, since I figured the phone company would at least be able to prevent people calling out from fake numbers. They were no help.

Today I tried to get a little more info:
(This was originally supposed to be some sort of diary-like post, so ignore the awkward tense change here)

April 26th, 12:30pm

Sounded like the same guy with the most unintelligible accent. I asked him to clarify the name of the company before he started with his 5-minute long speech in some sort of weird pseudo-English. “Air duct cleaning,” I’m told again. I asked him where it’s located. “Anywhere in the Scarborough area we come to you.” That’s not what I asked. I asked him for an address, he mentioned something about Scarborough again. I then asked for a phone number where I can contact the company directly, since I “needed to go.” He refused to tell me anything, we bantered back and forth for a few minutes to the likes of:

“Tell me how many bedrooms the house has and I’ll tell you that”
“Are you listening to me? Answer my question.”
“How many bedrooms?”
“What is the address of the company? I just want to make sure it’s the one I’m thinking of.”
“How many bedrooms do you have?”
“Answer my question.”

etc. etc.

I eventually was sick of hearing his stupid voice and hung up.

Who hires these imbeciles?

Oh but wait! All my Googling led me to a phone number. 416-900-2930. I typed it into the yellowpages.ca, making sure it wasn’t a fake number or a number stolen from some innocent civilian.

It came up with some awful skeleton site for “air duct cleaning.” I called it.
A meek, quiet, male’s voice answered. I asked him 4 times if this was the Air Duct company. He finally said it was, and I asked him if they’d called me many times over the past few weeks. He didn’t answer and sounded confused by my question. So I asked him in simpler terms, “Do you use telemarketers?”

“Yes,” he replied, after trying to play dumb and avoid the question.

I went off. I told him to never call again, that we were on the Do Not Call list. He provided some weak excuse about their computer systems (which I had read about on the message boards and was expecting), I cut him off and told him it didn’t matter, because the DNCL is there for a reason and they need to figure it out.

He told me he was “taking my number off the list.” Ha. Ok, sure.

Just for extra measure I reminded him that I now had his phone number, and I threatened to harass the number daily if the calls didn’t stop. (Okay, maybe I actually said I’d “harass the crap out of this number.” Pure class.)

And I will. Oh, boy. I will.

Some other great suggestions I found included: sending them to a made-up address in the middle of no where and keeping an air horn or whistle by the phone to use when they call.

“Fuck youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!”

Does anyone else have any other suggestions? Call the number above if you’ve been bugged by these people. Just do it. If you’re feeling like being a little mean, just go ahead. These people have no right to harass us daily.

I’ve reported them to the DNCL complaints thing multiple times. I doubt they do anything with that, to be honest.

Disclaimer: 99.99% of the time, I am courteous. Any other telemarketer gets a quick “sorry we’re actually on the DNCL!” and he or she usually apologizes and hangs up. Simple. They’re just doing a job, and they most likely don’t enjoy it. These guys, however, have been so awful to so many people they deserve everything they get. It’s clearly some sort of scam. Any reputable company would happily provide you with the address, phone number,  or *actual* company name (Air Duct Cleaning? Seriously?) as soon as you wanted to know.

It’s now been over a week, and I haven’t gotten any calls back. Well, maybe I’ll have some fun with them if they try it again…

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17 responses to “Do Not Call Me!

  1. I LOVE telemarketers!!! I’m actually sad they don’t call me anymore since signing up for the DNCL. It is your chance to, in comfortable good conscience, prank people. When strangers would call me and ask me how much debt I have, instead of getting offended, I’d tell them: “Well, that’s kind of personal, but if you MUST know – it’s about half a million dollars. You know those big pipe organs they have in churches…? Well, you should never have one installed in your apartment. The neighbors call the police every time I fire that bad boy up!” Etc etc. F**k them. One time I made a poor lady in East Bumble Tumbleweed cry. You can talk to telemarketers any way you want – remember: you didn’t call them, they called you! I kept a rep from Discover Card on the line for two hours before deciding after all I wasn’t interested… Snork!

    This all probably works better coming from a gruff sounding guy than the soft spoken, mild mannered woman you probably are. But give it a shot. Sending them to false addresses and the air horn things are great too 🙂

    • Hahaha wow, I wish I had the imagination you do! That sounds like a lot of fun. Yeah, I don’t really sound that intimidating. Yesterday I got the ol’ “is your mom or dad home?” upon picking up the phone. Seriously? Anyways, thank you for you comment! That made me laugh 🙂

  2. Verizon spokesman James Earl Jones left a voicemail on my phone once pitching some crap or other… I called the number and asked in a straight voice to speak with James Earl Jones. I insisted he left me a voicemail with that number as the callback. You get the idea. Have fun with them. But this guy takes the cake:

  3. You are the bomb! My Air duct cleaning rage was directed at Boris the Mover! But I tell you what. The whistle works. Low tech is sometimes the way to go. One ear piercing shot was all it took. After daily calls for weeks. I love my whistle. It got rid of the effing cruise prize bullshitter too.
    I know you are a nice person. But desperate times……… Party on! Some day ask me how I got Master Card to stop sending me their crap and wasting trees.

    • You’re right, sometimes low tech is the best way! Only one try to get them to stop? Darn, that’s good.

      The credit card companies are awful, aren’t they?

  4. Love your wit! I hang up on these people after I give them a sarcastic comment. Like a window and door company that used to call me. As soon as they introduced themselves I told them “I have windows and doors so don’t call again.” They never called me back – I guess they didn’t appreciate my attitude!!

    • Oh I lie like that all the time. You ever get the calls where they claim that you computer has malware? I ask them to tell me what operating system we have and that usually trips them up. Then I say we have no goddamn computers so the feds can’t spy on us. It usually works

  5. Suggestions: get a woopi cushion, and fake being on the throne. Have a recording of someone moaning, and make sure to fake having sex. 😛

    ~C

  6. OMG I know how you feel. My surname is Wilson, yet every day 3 times a day I get a call from a company asking for Mr Hancock. I have told them there is no Hancock at my address and there never has been. I have told them I am on the DNCL. Yet they still try to sell me their crap! I have screamed at them, hurled abuse at them (that was fun), called them remidal morons, made somebody cry etc etc but they still call. I am going to try the air horn next time. They may then get the hint. Furtehr to Steve’s comment above, the ‘do you give credit to bankrupts’ line usually works too but its not as much fun as an air horn!

  7. Hahaha! I hate getting telemarketer calls, I usually just screen numbers. However, one of my cousins loves getting telemarketer calls so he can mess with them, like pretending to be a five-year-old all alone at home (when he’s actually a grown married man). Fun times.

    • It sucks that they’re all “unknown caller” now, and even my dentist comes up as that. Curiosity always gets the best of me and I pick it up 😦

      Your cousin sounds like a fun guy!

  8. Ever tried keeping THEM on the phone? If you sit down and give them a spiel right back they will quit calling so they can keep making the quota.

    • It’s funny because they freak out.

      • That could work. I’ve been on the other end, although it was customers calling me at work and telling me about the 50 year history of their lawns for half an hour while I’ve got 34120831 other things to do. I think I can employ some of their techniques and keep the telemarketers on the line for a little bit 🙂