A Story of Awkward Clumsiness: Subway Edition

As I had mentioned about a week ago, I got a contract position with a marketing company to distribute displays in small businesses. Literally “field marketing distributer,” which looks beautiful on a resume compared to “display hander-outer.” Again, it’s for the Weekend to End Women’s Cancers, so check it out!

Today was training and I headed down to the office at Richmond and Bathurst for 10am. For any of you who know the TTC well, this means I left at like 8:30. Whatever, not a big deal.

However, for some reason I wasn’t expecting to collect the marketing materials at that particular training session. I’m on board to distribute 500 units in 4 weeks at the very least, which is not a big deal. I took home 50 today, doesn’t sound like a lot, right? Each one has three separate cardboard pieces and a brochure to put in the top. They provide a little bundle buggy, but, well, here is where the fun begins!

After the 100lbs or so of material was loaded into the cart, I was set free upon the city to somehow make it back to Scarborough. Without the cart, this would have easily included a streetcar, a subway, and an RT without any hassle. With the cart, however, well..

I decided to skip the streetcar and try to find a subway where I could manage to get down the stairs. The streetcars are extremely narrow and there are three very steep steps to get on, so yeah, not a great idea. It probably would have been different if it hadn’t felt like the cart would implode every time I went over a subway track or bump in the road, or if I could actually pick up the front without it collapsing, but hey you can’t have everything, right?

I walked to University. So thirsty. All the Tim Hortons I passed were full, and the cart had no turning capabilities at all. Running over old ladies on the quest for an iced tea wasn’t on my priority list, so I skipped it.

And then I stumbled upon Osgoode. The most beautiful sight for my eyes. Is it…was it…could it be? A beautiful blue handicapped sign, meaning there would be an elevator? Yes, yes it was! For reference, here is the TTC subway map. Note the amount of handicapped-equipped stations vs. non handicapped. The fully-equipped ones have a little blue square beside their names. Depressing, isn’t it?

This was honestly the best map on google. I have no idea why.

After my little “praise the lord” moment that I had stumbled upon a station with an elevator, I managed to somehow get the thing on to the subway without taking out too many ankles.

I have to say I wasn’t too worried about the weird looks I was getting. If you’ve been in this city for longer than a week, you’ve seen much weirder than a girl pushing a granny cart full of pink pamphlets.

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Yes, I am that creep who took your picture on the subway. Sorry.

I did enjoy how the elevators in St. George and Kennedy Stations are at the extreme opposite ends of the platform. Nothing like some good ol ‘exercise!

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Beautiful saviour.

The majority of the buttons in all the elevators I took were completely rubbed off. And nonsensical. Apparently, in the TTC world “B” stands for bus aka ground, but NOT the exit. The star stands for the exit!

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Wrong floor. Oops.

After TWO HOURS I had made it home, and now I faced the final frontier. I had  avoided all stairs up until this moment!

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Death.

But it all turned out okay, because…

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SUCCESS.

My thoughts:
I am really goddamn happy I didn’t take any downtown routes to distribute these. Thank god I have a car and it’s easy to find parking on Danforth east.

The TTC is sadly inaccessible if you, for whatever reason, have issues with stairs. The RT doors actually closed to someone’s shoulder because, due to the crowds, they couldn’t get off the car quick enough.

It’s a jungle out there.

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6 responses to “A Story of Awkward Clumsiness: Subway Edition

  1. Thank God for Euphemisms, huh?? Much sounds better than a “hander-outer”…LOL. I enjoyed this post. It’s great.

  2. This post is magnificent in it’s hilarity, and the sad and wonderful fact that we have all had those awkward public transportation moments. Like when I tried to eat a chocolate waffle dripping Nutella on the London Tube at peak hour. Brilliant post!
    Thanks for the sharp wit and the illustrative pictures and the glorious captions.

  3. The TTC is actually more wheelchair-friendly than the London tube system. When I moved apartments, I had to ride back and forth four times to move all my suitcases (I couldn’t afford the £70 for a taxi). It was terrible.

    • Wow, that sounds horrible. I think we can agree that both systems need upgrading! The tube system probably has much older stations than the TTC, so I can see how that would be a problem