Ankle Pants and an Awkward Childhood

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but in the past year or so, these so called “ankle pants” have sprung up everywhere. Instead of going into any trendy store and expecting everything labelled “pants” to be full-length, you now have to compete with these icons of idiocy. Let me explain.

I am 5’8″ (I think. Maybe 5’9″?) and I’ve always been the “tall, lanky one.” I haven’t always loved it. Already being an awkward, greasy, acne-ridden pre teen with glasses, being the tallest one around wasn’t helping anything. It felt like I was spending years trying to find pants that wouldn’t make me look stupid with one or two washes. Nothing looks dumber than bellbottoms (sorry, “flares”) that are 2 inches too short because you bought them at Wal-Mart and they shrunk. Pair that with clunky, black, thick-heeled “dress” shoes, also from Wal-Mart, and I was a mess. I’d spend whole days tugging at my pants so they would actually cover my ankles and hide my bright white socks.

The tactile sense of even trying these things on and feeling the horrible air on my ankles is enough to make me uncomfortable. It’s against everything I’ve ever thought was true and just about low-end fashion.

However, stores like Urban Outfitters, I guess I should thank you for making “awkward” cool again, in a way. Maybe there’s an 11 year old girl right now who, also awkward and greasy, doesn’t care that her Wal-Mart skinny jeans shrunk two inches because it’s cool. And that’s one less horrible thing to worry about when you’re one of less genetically gifted.

Lovely.

*Tangent Warning* I still hate them with a passion. What are you supposed to do in the winter? Don’t even get me started on open-toed boots.

????

…Seriously, though. What idiot thought these were a good idea? I bet they were invented in L.A.
If it’s cold enough for boots, your toes will freeze off. If it’s warm enough for an open-toe look, imagine all the foot sweat that is saturating the sides of those things. *Tangent Over*
Maybe I’m just too practical for the world of fashion.
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4 responses to “Ankle Pants and an Awkward Childhood

  1. I, too, hate open-toed boots with a passion.

  2. When I was a kid, those trousers would be called ‘half mast’ and kids would laugh and point at you in the school yard for being too poor to have trousers long enough.