I have spent the majority of my life in school. The last 4 years have gotten me used to constantly being under stress to finish some assignment or another, especially around this time in the year.
Of course, there’s the momentary “haha, sucks to be you” feeling you get when your friends complain about tests and labs. Hey, I’m going out to the bar this Friday whether you have an exam or not, kids! I may not have anyone to go with, but that doesn’t matter. Shush.
I have no labs, no lectures, no classes. No group projects. No group projects? No group projects! Oh god, do I ever hate group projects. It makes it worse when you attend a commuter school and every single person seems to be live in a different corner of the city and they each have no transportation, sense of direction, or free time.
Instead of spending all night with a cup of overly-sugared homemade coffee and a 40 pound textbook, preparing for a sure-fail exam the next day, I sit and do nothing. I’ve just picked up some library books, but they don’t count. I’m reading Tina Fey‘s biography, for Christ’s sake, not Moby Dick.
Occasionally, I do some online shopping and then never actually order the 4 cardigans. Or, I’ll write a punch of bad blog post drafts. More often than not, I do nothing. Nothing.
I work. I stand there, put on a big fake smile, and try not to rip open the next spray bottle of End-All that comes through so I can chug it all and get the hell out of there. Sometimes I sweep. Actually, I sweep a lot. I find myself just walking around with a dustpan and broom even though everything has been swept, just to look busy. There isn’t much to do except sweep and try to look like I’m not wasting time by memorizing codes for straw bales and pie pumpkins. I’ve taken up pacing, actually. A lot of pacing. If I am wearing pants with decent pockets*, I’ll print out some receipt paper and scribble down ideas for posts, drawings, random funny thoughts, etc.
*decent pockets=no secret notes falling into the hands of the wrong people. I remember the day I found a hand-written poem about god knows what sitting under the keyboard. I laughed for days (although I never found out who it was who wrote it.)
Each day, there is no coming home with new knowledge. Except for the occasional fact about Japanese Anenomes I happen to pick up while relaying an answer to a guest, I don’t learn much. There aren’t any challenging tasks presented, I don’t accomplish anything new. I am just there to keep the equilibrium going, not to improve anything.
So, here we go. I’ll say it. I miss school. I miss learning. I miss writing essays and lectures and all that fun stuff. At least I knew I was doing something to improve my life every time I stepped into a class room. I was chipping away at a degree, every word I wrote on an essay.
Instead, my next assignment will be creating a detailed budget for the UK. I’m looking at hostels and train fares and visas transportation and whatnot. I’m trying to get it all together, and it seems like a lot! So look at that, kiddies, I do have a project to work on. And I guarantee the outcome of mine will be much more exciting then whatever project you’re working on. Hah.
I also have to work out which programs I’m applying to. I have a grip on this, finally! And York University’s Glendon College is beautiful…
I’m sure you’re thinking the same thing. “Damn, I wish I only had to go to work and I was actually making money.” At least your education will hopefully mean your job doesn’t suck as much as mine!
Perspective is a funny thing.